Rethinking Retirement: Yes, No or Maybe Later

When are you going to retire?

More people are working later in their lives rather than at or near 65. Life expectancy is at least 25 years longer than it was a century ago. A later retirement might be for financial reasons, but there are  plenty of other professionals who really enjoy the work they are doing. Some people want to continue to work either part or full time beyond age 65. Maybe it's good that people are mixing up the three boxes of life- play, learning and work- and not limiting over 65 to just one.

Over half of baby boomers say they are planning to work past age 66. We should expect that people at work and your family and friends may ask you about your plans for retirement, so it's an advantage to have a plan in mind and think through what you envision for your 60's, 70's and beyond.

In planning for the emotional shifts in retirement, it's essential to prepare for how you will replace the satisfaction, contribution and people contact you may have had through work. You want to consider not only what are you are retiring from, but what are you retiring to? Shifting from full time to part time work can be a strategy to ease into the transition and give yourself time to adjust.

Retiring later has to be worked through as a couple if you are partnered, with consideration for your age difference and individual needs. Some couples retire together, while others negotiate one working months or years longer. Before and after the retirement of one or both partners, couples need to work through how roles may need to change, and how they will continue to cultivate both separate and joint activities. I don't recommend that couples spend all their time together as it's not enough fresh input and could lead to suffocating each other emotionally. Balancing individuation and close connection is key at all stages of a couple's relationship.

Learning to love, honor and negotiate through different visions for the this chapter of life is key. Couples can be on the same clocks while working and raising children, but have very different hopes and dreams after that. I'm working with several mature couples who are trying to navigate through their different ideas about retirement and relocation in a way that is loving. Think about discussing these hopes and needs, not assuming that your partner's align with yours.

It's also important to position yourself at work to stay later in your career if that's what you choose. Stay up to date with technology. Keep doing continuing education. Join and be involved in professional associations. Meet and befriend work colleagues of different ages. Communicate your intentions to others at work that you intend to stay longer. Stay engaged and passionate about your work. Learn new things. Take on long-term projects. Be involved in mentoring and reciprocal mentoring relationships. Keep setting goals and working towards them.

Retirement? Maybe, maybe not. It's a whole new world of possibilities, and all the old assumptions are out. If we are likely to live past 80, we're getting bonus years our great grandparents didn't have. It's bonus time to do whatever we enjoy and the things that keep us active and engaged in life.

Preparing for the Emotional Shift of Retirement

Depending on how you feel about your work, moving towards retirement can feel like a loss. It's certainly a big transition for most people, and especially so if you liked your work and enjoyed the people you worked with. It's important to consider what you will be retiring to do in the years ahead. I've heard it suggested that we should REFIRE rather than retire.

I'm working in life coaching with people who are coming up on the retirement transition, and planning for their next chapter of life. Here are some factors you may want to consider when you begin planning yours:

1. Figure out how you are going to stay active and keep moving. We know people age better if they keep active, so figuring out how you can safely get your 10,000 steps a day is key. Can you walk where you live? Swim? Go to a gym or exercise class regularly?

2. How are you going to contribute to others? Can you continue some volunteer work you have done earlier in your life? Do you have some ideas about how you could help a cause you care about, like seniors, animals, the environment, people with disabilities, children and youth, church, politics, hospitals, or something else? If you are not sure and need ideas, google your local volunteer center. In Orange County, California, where I have my counseling practice, we have a great organization called One OC that has a job bank for both board positions and direct service volunteer positions from non-profits all across the county (www.oneoc.org).

Think about whether you want to use the same skills you've used at work, or have a chance to do something different. Would you like to work on projects alone and independently, or work with people? Volunteer work is a source of meaning and contribution. It's also a great venue for making new friends with great people with whom you share some common values with.

3. Keep learning new things. Upgrade your computer skills, take a class at the community college, look for opportunities with your local city community services, work crossword puzzles and otherwise challenge your brain to stay engaged. I like to encourage being a lifelong learner, so look for activities that will keep you learning and thinking. Would you like to join a film society, book club, or check your local university for continuing learning opportunities for seniors? Many retirees find new groups to learn with or do activities with on meetup.com. In Orange County, Cal State University, Fullerton has the Osher Lifelong Learning Institute (OLLI) with wonderful classes for retired and almost retired adults. You can contact them by phone or email, (olli-info@fullerton.edu, or 657-278-24460).

4. Keep up your people contact daily. Don't get isolated. Figure out how you can set a goal of being in contact with four or more people each day for maximum wellness. In the 1980's, the California Department of Mental Health did a campaign called, "Friends Can Be Good Medicine" about the mental and physical health benefits to being in relationships with others. It's still true. Put it into practice in your retirement, when you will need to reach out more to others than you did before.

5. Consider working part-time or reducing your hours gradually to ease the transition.

6. Consciously add new friends to your group.

7. Make sure to do at least an outing every day. Don't become a recluse.

8. If you are married or partnered, you will need time together, but you will be happier if you maintain some separate activities. You may be retired, but you still need some autonomy and different interests to keep things fresh. You don't want to suffocate each other. I've heard this called "retired to have dinner together, but not always lunch". You will have more to share with each other if you each pursue some of your own things. Everyone needs a separate sense of self.

9. If you are already, or become a grandparent during your retirement, that's another incredible opportunity for reaching out, transcending self, and creating meaning. Wouldn't it be meaningful to make the grandparenting role an important one? You may have skills to teach or be more available or patient than the children's parents who are at a busy stage in their lives. Making positive memories with your grandchildren is an incredible legacy. I know my girls will never forget Gram teaching them to make homemade pasta and bake pies, or Gramps teaching them to drive and garden.

10. Cultivate flexibility. There are losses that occur as we age, with our own aging process and with our partners. Try to develop an ability to adjust gracefully when it's time, knowing that the changes will continue.

If you begin thinking creatively, your retirement years could be some of your very best ones. People are living longer, so recreating your life after the working years is a whole new chapter to choreograph and build health, connection, learning and contribution. Now that's a life well lived. Let's think not just about retiring from, but retiring to.

Something to Look Forward To

We all need something to look forward to. Do you remember being a child, and the amazing feeling of anticipation and excitement you may have felt as summer got closer?

What are you currently looking forward to in your life? If you don't have something you are excited about coming up, maybe it's time to set a goal and make some plans.

Mental health and wellness depend upon having some hope, making plans, and working towards making your dreams happen. Whatever your budget, having a day trip, or a weekend away planned, or beginning to save for and research a trip a year or more in the future, helps you not to get stale or bored. There is something about the planning and anticipation that is good for our outlook. This forward action shows that you are taking responsibility for keeping yourself interesting and curious about life.

Everyday life can get repetitive and a bit boring unless we soul search and introspect on what some healthy goals might be for checking experiences off our bucket list, make plans to reconnect with people who matter, and find ways to challenge ourselves.

Perhaps you have always been curious about traveling to a foreign destination, or want to go back to school, change your career, try dating again, or set some other personal goals to develop yourself and keep your self growing and fully alive.

Many life changes, like overcoming a loss like divorce or a death of a parent, can become opportunities to reinvent yourself and grow some more. Some people dread the children leaving home, or impending retirement, when these can be chances to explore new aspects of yourself that you have not had a chance to develop. Even as we age, we need to keep setting goals and growing.

There is something exceedingly healthy about setting some plans and working to make them happen.
Setting your intention can be very powerful, and help you manifest some of your fondest wishes into happening. What are you excited about in your life? What are you looking forward to in the next few weeks and months? If you can't think of anything, that's the perfect time to begin planning an adventure or a goal you can get excited about. You'll be glad you did.