Showing posts with label goals. Show all posts
Showing posts with label goals. Show all posts

Wednesday, June 18, 2014

Getting Unstuck and Out of the Comfort Zone


I especially enjoy doing life coaching with adults who are feeling stuck in their lives. Each of us has a comfort zone, and if we stay inside it we can get bored, complacent and unhappy. Challenging yourself to learn a new skill or try to get past your comfort zone in a small way can help keep you feeling alive, fresh and growing.

Are you feeling that your world is too small? Expand your world by volunteering, helping others, or joining a cause that you care about. Many of us get too isolated and feel too alone, and being around positive people who care about the same cause that you do will reduce those feelings. Watch less television or do less time with technology and see what you can create with that space and free time.

Taking a class or learning a new skill at any age is a great way to meet other open-minded people, challenge yourself, and build a sense of community in our often too fragmented world. Even after college, I like to see people learn new things or try new adventures. Taking on new things to learn gives you a growing edge. It makes you more interesting. In an classic life planning book, The Three Boxes of Life, and How to Get Out of Them, the focus includes not making the mistake of doing all your learning at the front end of your life. Brain experts tell us that life-long learning and keeping your mind active is critical to optimum aging.

Setting some goals for the summer or the remainder of this year may also help you get unstuck. What's on your bucket list? Is there a trip you want to plan, a bad habit you want to release, or a way in which you'd like to develop yourself so that at year's end you can look back with satisfaction and a sense of accomplishment? What do you really, really want that you could take some steps toward accomplishing?

Get more active. Set your intentions to get outside every day this summer spending time doing something active you enjoy. We think better, sleep better and feel better when we get exercise daily.

Watch what you say to yourself. Most of us have picked up an internal critic along the way who says mean things to us and contributes to staying stuck. Fire that critic. Write down negative internal chatter and counter it on paper. Consciously upgrading your self-talk makes a huge difference. Try to avoid telling yourself you can't, or that you are not good/strong/attractive/disciplined/brave enough.

Don't let fear run the show. If you really want to go back to college, find a different job, improve your relationship, move, get out of debt, travel, or date and find a partner, make a plan and go for it. Notice the fear any time you do something different, but don't let it stop you. Like Susan Jeffer's book by the same name, feel the fear but do it anyway. This is the only life we know for sure that we get, so don't leave unaddressed dreams on the table.

Take calculated risks. Trying new things or going for goals that you have may make you feel vulnerable, but it's also where the good feelings of growth and accomplishment live. If you don't get some rejection or disappointment, you may not be risking enough or aiming high enough with your goals.

Take baby steps toward a goal that you have. Many people fail to meet their goals or get unstuck because they won't break down their goal into tiny little bites. As I often share with coaching clients, we eat elephants one bite at a time.

Do extreme self-care. Think of how you might be neglecting your health, your spiritual growth, your sleep, or any other area of your self-care, and reverse the trend.

Don't live in a world that's too small. Come out of your comfort zone to keep growing and creating the life you want. Get an accountability partner who hears your dreams and encourages your steps towards them, while you do the same for them. There are lots of people who live life in a sort of automatic pilot, rather than challenge themselves to keep growing. Don't be one of them!

Tuesday, October 22, 2013

Something to Look Forward To

We all need something to look forward to. Do you remember being a child, and the amazing feeling of anticipation and excitement you may have felt as summer got closer?

What are you currently looking forward to in your life? If you don't have something you are excited about coming up, maybe it's time to set a goal and make some plans.

Mental health and wellness depend upon having some hope, making plans, and working towards making your dreams happen. Whatever your budget, having a day trip, or a weekend away planned, or beginning to save for and research a trip a year or more in the future, helps you not to get stale or bored. There is something about the planning and anticipation that is good for our outlook. This forward action shows that you are taking responsibility for keeping yourself interesting and curious about life.

Everyday life can get repetitive and a bit boring unless we soul search and introspect on what some healthy goals might be for checking experiences off our bucket list, make plans to reconnect with people who matter, and find ways to challenge ourselves.

Perhaps you have always been curious about traveling to a foreign destination, or want to go back to school, change your career, try dating again, or set some other personal goals to develop yourself and keep your self growing and fully alive.

Many life changes, like overcoming a loss like divorce or a death of a parent, can become opportunities to reinvent yourself and grow some more. Some people dread the children leaving home, or impending retirement, when these can be chances to explore new aspects of yourself that you have not had a chance to develop. Even as we age, we need to keep setting goals and growing.

There is something exceedingly healthy about setting some plans and working to make them happen.
Setting your intention can be very powerful, and help you manifest some of your fondest wishes into happening. What are you excited about in your life? What are you looking forward to in the next few weeks and months? If you can't think of anything, that's the perfect time to begin planning an adventure or a goal you can get excited about. You'll be glad you did.

Monday, January 7, 2013

Setting Your Intentions for 2013

We’re beginning a brand new year, and it seems like a good time to set intentions for what you want to work towards as your goals this year. I have set a couple, and shared them with someone close to me. I'm encouraging the individuals I counsel and coach to do the same.

If we don't set goals and readjust our life course from time to time, or add in a new personal challenge, we can get stale. One year can roll into the next without the conscious intention to chart our course.  It's taking personal leadership in your own life.

Intentions are different than resolutions. New Year's resolutions often involve giving up something, or losing weight. Some people make the same resolutions every year, and experience a burnout factor with making or keeping them.

Setting intentions has more to do with looking at your life more broadly, with its different facets, and identifying a couple of areas that could be developed. While common New Year's resolutions could be to drink less alcohol, exercise more, eat better, or save money, intentions could expand the focus to consider improving your career situation, personal relationships, emotional health, travel goals, relocating or changing your living situation, or other areas of your life.

While setting goals to increase your physical fitness, or your finances, many people don't consider setting some goals for emotional growth over the next year. Don't overlook this very important part of your life. Here are some ideas to get you thinking:

·         Becoming more patient

·         Expressing my feelings more openly to my partner

·         Taking more responsibility for managing my moods, depression, or anxiety

·         Asking for the support I want

·         Empathizing more with others, realizing my perspective is not the only right one

·         Doing more self-care

·         Being a better, calmer parent

·         Not taking out my anger on others, learning to do something constructive with my anger

·         Honoring my commitments, keeping promises

·         Being on time

·         Being honest and truthful, even when it's hard to do so

·         Expressing my affection, using loving touch

·         Overreacting less

·         Managing my own stress, not taking it out on others

·         Listening from the heart

·         Putting away electronics  to better connect with loved ones

·         Playing more

·         Making time to teach my children/grandchildren life skills

·         Having more fun with my partner

·         Being a better husband/wife/partner

·         Begin dating

·         Make more friends

·         Not doing destructive or secretive behavior that is bad for me and/or dishonors those I love

·         Transcend self more/volunteer for a cause I care about

·         Develop my spiritual beliefs

·         Learn how to resolve conflicts respectfully, fight fairly

·         Express my appreciation to others

·         Apologizing when I am wrong, making repairs

·         Saying "I love you" often

·         Spending time with the small children and seniors in my life

·         Making family dinners at home, with candles and conversation, as often as possible to stay connected

·         Decide not to email or text about personal things, some things are only for person-to person conversation

·         Stop yelling, bullying, threatening to leave

·         Invite a family member to go to counseling with me to make things better

·         Court my partner, not take them for granted

·         Go on a weekly date night (no children)

·         Make your home a sanctuary: quiet, peaceful, organized, and a place to recharge

·         Be more supportive of other family members

·         Ask for feedback about how you are doing in your closest relationships

·         Initiate affection with your partner, don't make men make all the effort

·         Set healthy boundaries

·         Go direct to speak with the person you are upset with

·         Create some downtime

·         Create positive surprises

Hopefully this list will inspire you to set an emotional health or relationship intentions of your own for 2013.

Pick a couple, and write down the steps of how you will work towards your goal. What support will you need to reach your goal? Who can you ask for ideas on what steps to take? For my clients, I am an accountability partner and we can follow up on their path to each goal, but you can pick an accountability partner in your life if you like. Having someone else know our goals and check in with us about our progress helps our intentions get traction.

You can also create a vision board on a piece of posterboard to keep your goals front and center all year. Put it at the front of your closet or where you get ready in the morning for your day. Create conscious awareness of your goals. Check in monthly to determine if you are making progress.

Have an emotionally healthy and relationally close 2013. Set your intention to grow a little!

Sunday, October 23, 2011

What's Your Growing Edge?

People need goals.We need things we are learning,or striving to get better at.All our lives,we have an innate need to keep growing emotionally,intellectually,and physically.In life coaching,we call it "your growing edge".

When people say they are bored,it often means they are being boring.We can get in ruts.We can go to the same restaurants,see the same people,go to the same places,watch the same television shows,and shop at the same grocery store.We each need to take responsibility for mixing it up.Instead of the passive/victim role of being bored,we can shift to take the active role of keeping ourselves interesting and sharing those interests with those we care about.Sometimes our world becomes too small.This sense of boredom may be just the push we need to get a growing edge.

When people don't develop a healthy growing edge in mid-life they can get depressed.In contrast,some individuals act out inappropriately to resolve boredom in mid-life.It would be healthier to find a way to create a growing edge which develops your mind,spirit,career,personal goals,or reaches out to help others.

One of my favorite books,the classic "The Three Boxes of Life and How to Get Out of Them",reminds us that many people compartmentalize their lives far too much.Many individuals will do all of their play as a child,all their learning in school,and then work as an adult until they play again when retired.When we continue to learn,play,work and serve others throughout life we can stay more fun,vital,and energized.

What's your growing edge? Is there something you always wanted to learn or teach others? Is there a trip you always wanted to take or a book you wanted to write?As the recent premature death of Apple co-founder and technology inventor Steve Jobs reminded all of us,life is fragile.Living our lives fully and giving our gifts is incredibly important to happiness and satisfaction.