The George Carlin Letters:Fun Summer Read

I just finished a fun summer read called "The George Carlin Letters: The Permanent Courtship of Sally Wade".It was written by George Carlin's partner of ten years,comedienne Sally Wade,with commentary by their dog,Spot,as well.The book is a delightful look into their love relationship or bubble as they called it.The book is a sweet personal view of both Carlin and Wade,with copious notes and cards they sent each other in their years together.

You've got to love somebody witty enough to write:"What if you met your Maker and it was Mattel?" There are lots of cute lines they had for each other,including when Sally was hormonal and George told her it was "like living with a chemistry set".Each couple has a chance to build their own,private,tender,and funny world between them.Carlin and Wade give the reader a window into the wit and humor these two enjoyed in day-to-day life.It sounds like they had so much fun together. Who could imagine they collected found change from public places? They hated to be apart.They had rituals for jumping on beds in hotel rooms like frogs.Both teased they were actually each from Jupiter.

I loved reading about how they encouraged each other.Sally can have a little stage fright,and George would go with her to little clubs and help her get in to try out her new material.George clearly felt she was the love of his life,and when he put that pure love to pen and paper,the resulting cards,notes,and drawings are touching,funny,honest and very dear.Wade's book also reports their disagreements,and how they got through them.Carlin asked Wade to marry several times, but she said no.They had their own little ceremony on Jupiter Island,but these two were soulmates,with or without the paperwork.

Since it is George Carlin,there is some racy stuff and bad words,but their love story outshines it all.When Carlin left to go to his final hospital visit,he left a note on Wade's computer keyboard for her to find later,reading:The permanent courthip of Sally Wade.Isn't permanent coutship a lovely idea? It implies we are always trying to please our partner and make them feel special.No taking each other for granted.I bet George Carlin is up in heaven smiling about this book.

Stay Calm and Carry On!

It's been said that our biggest fear, underlying all other fears,is that we won't be able to handle it(whatever it is).In life, it is incredibly important not to overreact,and instead,pause,breathe,and choose a response.Most things are not terminal. They might be disappointing,or frustrating,or scary, but reacting in panic is only going to complicate matters.

In love relationships,harsh set-ups and responses only push your partner away and make them more unlikely to open up and include you.If you want to solve lifes' problems together, staying calm and not freaking out helps encourage your parner to turn towards you.People who are in perpetual panic mode are exhausting to be close to.

On your own,staying calm and centered helps you to solve problems more effectively. It saves a whole lot of time and energy which could be wasted "awfulizing".Being dramatic takes a geat deal of emotional enegry that could be channeled into problem solving and adapting. It can help to remind yourself of other difficult situations you've gotten through,and identifying what you did that worked out well. What are your strengths? What internal and external resources do you have? Remind yourself that any life crisis will pass.

In parenting, being a harsh or emotional reactor makes it less likely your child or children will turn to you for support or input.They will think you are either a hothead or too fragile,and not be open when they are in trouble.If you wish to be someone they turn to,act accordingly!

At work,you can't afford to stress out. Co-workers will think less of you if any little thing sets you off. It will seve your career better to act AS IF you are calm and centered,even if you don't always feel it. Feeling follows action.Truth is,every day when we get up we face stressors of different kinds,including at work.That's why they call it WORK. Don't be surprised by it. Take mini-stress breaks throughout the day. Even walking outside and noticing the weather and the cloud formations helps to restore calm.

Whatever crisis or complications you may face this week,stay calm and carry on! You will take pride in developing more mastery over your reactions,and not letting your negative or fear-based feelings run the show.

Authentic Happiness

Martin Seligman is a psychologist,researcher,writer,former president of the American Psychological Association, and also a self-identified former grouch. This insight about his own tendency to see the negative, and his review of the psychological literature as being mostly illness-focused, lead Seligman to founding Positive Psychology. Instead of researching anxiety and depression, Positive Psychology studies what brings people happiness,satisfaction,and meaning.This week, I enjoyed rereading Seligman's classic book "Authentic Happiness",and rediscovered why I love Martin Seligman and all the great,unexpected surprises he has to teach us.

Would you believe that most of us have a set point for happiness?(This is similar to the natural set point for our weight that we usually return to, even after intense dieting.) Seligman's research suggests that what we can try to do is operate from the high end of our natural happiness range.

What does Seligman observe about happy people?

1. They spend time with other people and have strong,caring relationships. They aren't usually loners.

2. They are more likely to be married. In his study, Seligman noted that 40% of married individuals identified themselves as very happy, compared to 20% of singles. Most truly happy people are in a caring, commited relationship. Married people also tend to live longer.

3.They have a faith.

4.Money isn't that important, once you have a certain level of security.Very poor people are often unhappy and distressed, but even lottery winners return from the initial euphoria to their previous level of happiness within a year. Money can't buy you happiness.

5. More choices don't necessarily make people any happier. It's the commitment we make to the choices we took that make us happier. Sometimes too many choces just make us overwhelmed.(Think of Robin Williams as a Russian immigrant in Moscow on the Hudson,overwhelmed and distressed by all the cereal choices at the American supermarket.)

6.Developing our character strengths also makes us feel happy and satisfied. Cultivating traits like kindness,patience,courage,acceptance, humor,flexibility,and resilency all make us feel more content.This is the largest method of impacting our level of happiness.

I recommend all of Seligman's books on finding happiness,avoiding learned helplessness and leading a positive life.Even Seligman shares he learned to stop raining on the happiness in his family.Do your part to add some happy to the mix in your relationships. Each person is charged with the responsibility of creating our own happiness and sharing it with those we love,rather than squeezing it out of others!