Be The Architect

What if this beautiful new year, you woke up and realized that you have way more control than you ever realized to make your life and relationships really satisfying? Many of us don't fully understand that in many ways, we are each the architect of our own life. I find this a similar dynamic to how we use very little of our actual brain capacity. Many times, people drift along at work, in their marriage, with their children, and in their own life path. You might feel silently slightly sad, or complain to others, or be aware of a sense of longing which calls you to a higher level of being alive. Sometimes the disappointments and difficulties in our lives discourage our spirit and flatten our dreams. The fresh start of a new year is the perfect time to dust off your hopes and dreams, and figure out what you want now.

This could be your year to commit more fully to the lifelong development of yourself, and to having deep and loving relationships with those closest to you. Life is passing by, and you really shouldn't settle for a mediocre life or relationships. You have to take an active role in making positive upgrades in your life-- it's an inside job nobody else can handle. You can start by taking inventory with the different facets of your life. How is each area working out for you? Here's a check-list to begin with:

Work

Finances

Marriage/Primary Relationship

Friendships

Spiritual Life

Physical Health/Fitness

Living Space

Intellectual Growth/Learning

Hopes and Dreams

Take a few minutes to reflect on the list of life components, and identify the one or two where you feel most stuck. Day-to-day life responsibilities and routines can crowd out our ability to focus on what REALLY matters. If you can think of yourself as the architect of your life, this review is like viewing your life from above in a helicopter, and deciding which aspects of your world merit some remodeling this year.

One important mobilizing next step is to do something different (and hopefully better) in the one or two areas you care most about improving. If you keep handling that issue the same way this year, you are likely going to get the same results. Baby steps are a good way to go here. How about a few examples of doing one thing differently?

If you are not happy about your handling of money, you could commit to writing down all your expenditures for a month, asking your partner to do the same, and meet to go over what you discover and set a shared budget. Being good stewards of our finances, and not wasting money, increases the sense of self-confidence, and makes a couple feel closer. Set a written budget together.

If you and your partner are drifting apart, or you are feeling resentful, carrying anger, or are bored, get moving to make improvements as soon as possible. Most people would hire a mechanic to fix their transmission, or a brain surgeon to do their neurosurgery if needed. A few sessions working with your partner and a good marriage and family therapist can do wonderful things to help guide you and your partner into better ways to work through differences, and ways to help make sure you both get what you really need. Be proactive, rather than suffer silently while your relationship is headed for an iceberg. An action step, like inviting your partner to go with you to counseling to make the relationship better and closer, is an incredibly loving and brave action that helps you both move out of fear and complacency. Over half of all marriages end in divorce. Many others aren't happy. Raise the bar and take responsibility for being the co-architect of one of the special marriages that is different: more loving, mutually supportive, encouraging each other to be your best, and being each others' best friend and lover all along the journey. Another positive step? Plan weekly date nights with your partner.

What if you hate your work? Think about one action step you can take. Take some career assessments at your local college (UC Irvine Extension has such a class here in Orange County, California). This is an affordable way to get some systematic, objective feedback on understanding your preferred skills, strengths, values, and work environment. Update your resume. Join a professional networking group for your desired industry. Information interview a few people who are in a position to make suggestions about how you could upgrade your skills or make yourself more marketable. Think about how you used to play as a child, as there are often clues there about the work you would most enjoy.

In any area you select to upgrade your life, there are many right answers about positive and courageous ways to do one thing different this year. Remember, life is either a daring adventure, or nothing. Realizing that only you can be the architect of your best life, and dusting off your dreams and resetting the course is empowering. Find other like-minded people to encourage you and keep up the pursuit of your life lived fully and well.

Getting Inspired For The New Year

2010 wraps up this Friday, and we break open a fresh new year. I found it busy at the gym this morning, so perhaps many of us are thinking about getting back on track, or doing a few things healthier or differently for the start of the new year that unfolds soon. There is also conversation that goes on,internally and with loved ones, about whether to choose a new years' resolution or not.Perhaps this year you would rather get inspired about something rather than make a resolution, and it might be a better way to approach change.

There is kind of a negative connotation to new years' resolutions. As if they have to mean giving up something you like,or setting up an ordeal for yourself, like a crazy workout schedule that it will be hard to follow through on. Resolutions also carry with them a sense of doom, like failure in carrying through on them may be inevitable.Let's consider some positive ways to get inspired for a new year instead.

What could you get inspired about for the new year? You could commit to a month of giving yourself 15 minutes of quiet everyday, and see what bubbles up to the surface about your life. You could challenge yourself to say 'no' more often this year to give your life some more open space. You could get inspired about embracing more fun this year with your partner.It could be comforting to commit to create a home environment that is less cluttered and more relaxed for you to be in.You could try a new activity or plan a trip you always wanted to take. It could be your year to express your love or appreciation more frequently to the people who matter in your life.You could be inspired to listen more and lecture less.

There are an unlimited number of ways to find inspiration. A new year is a blank canvas on which you have the chance to create new patterns and experiences.You don't have to resolve to do something austere and icky. You can add something positive to your life. This is definiely a good year for commiting to being the best partner, parent, and person you can be. Be inspired and share the challenge with a close confidante who can hold you lovingly accountable.

You may also want to visualize saying goodbye and dropping off old emotional baggage at the train station. You could leave certain negative emotional patterns in the old pages of your 2010 calender,like rushing,impatience,grudges,criticizing and judging others,or being stubborn, inflexible or demanding.The most emotionally healthy people can shift perspectives and see things from someone else's perspective. There is power in visualization, so drop off any negative emotions at the station that you need to.

Let's move forward into the brand new year open to experiences and the deepening of authentic relationships with others.Let's take time to do the self-care we each need to do to feel balanced.Let's begin again in an inspired way; lighter,kinder, and with a reverence for life and love that knows intuitively that we are not here forever.Happy New Year! You can make it one of your very best.