What is Your Health Legacy?

I spent a weekend in June learning from Daniel Amen, MD, Daniel Siegel, MD, Mark Hyman, MD,  Tana Amen, RN and a variety of other mental health, physical health, wellness and fitness experts at "Brain and Body Turnaround". The conference got me thinking about how much we each need to take responsibility for our health, and the patterns we are modeling for our children and grandchildren.

Dr. Amen is a neurologist and psychiatrist who founded the Amen Clinics, where he is well-known for using brain scans to help identify certain kinds of physical and mental illness, and his studies show the impact of improved health habits on brain functioning. Dr. Siegel is a UCLA child psychiatrist and leading expert and researcher in mindfulness.

We each inherit certain genetic predispositions, but we can take control for doing our best to manage our moods and not trigger health problems. We all have choices about our thinking, the food we eat, having good sleep habits, and whether or not we exercise. I enjoyed the conference because it focused on getting past excuses and making some small changes. Even a few changes, like adding in a daily walk, can have a huge impact on your physical and mental wellness.

Each of us has to decide what health legacy we want to leave behind us. Our life is our message. It is more powerful than whatever you could say to your children.

Do you want younger family members to see you actively engaged in learning new things, practicing mindfulness, forgiving others and yourself, making repairs to tense relationships when you can? I always admire people who continuously seek personal growth and deeper relationships, as opposed to sliding by in quiet desperation or complaints. Taking action to make relationships stronger and more satisfying is a sign of mental wellness. I have had clients into their 80's and beyond who are working hard on making a relationship better, or making a life adjustment successful. I love to see that kind of open-minded aging.

Many mental health concerns, such as anxiety and depression are helped greatly by daily moderate exercise. I routinely ask about how much my clients are exercising, which can help ease both anxiety and depression symptoms.

Working with your own automatic negative thoughts daily and learning to counter them is critically important. Each of us is vulnerable to sometimes using black and white thinking, emotional reasoning, mind-reading, personalization and other thought errors which can make us feel worse if we don't trash them daily. You may want to write them out, counter them and rip them up!

Taking responsibility for what we eat and the exercise we get daily is also an aspect of optimal wellness. Reducing or eliminating sugars, for example can help us avoid weight gain and stabilize mood.

We want to avoid a "victim" mentality about our health and genetic risk factors. We want to think of our doctors as consultants, not our fathers or mothers. It is healthy to ask questions and get second opinions. I noticed years ago when I helped lead an arthritis support group for a local hospital, how much better patients did when they were active in the treatment, educated about options, and physically active and cooperative with dietary changes.

As we age, we need to make a decision if we want to  take responsibility for staying as active, healthy and vital as we can as long as we can. What helps?

1. Exercise daily. Start slowly if you haven't been active, and get your doctor's approval.

2. Limit or eliminate sugars, energy drinks, and soda. Limit alcohol use, too.

3. Eat more fruits and vegetables.

4. Keep your weight in the right range, with a BMI under 25. Overweight is considered a BMI of 25-29.9, while obesity begins at a BMI of 30. Obesity increases risk for Type 2 diabetes, heart disease, some cancers, sleep apnea, stroke, osteoarthritis and other diseases.

5. Drink more water.

6. Consider going organic with your produce to avoid pesticides.

6. Develop good sleep habits. Limit caffeine after noon, set a routine wind down time, sleep time and waking hour. Turn off technology (television, computer, ipad, cell, etc.) an hour before bed as the light is activating for your brain.

7. Keep learning new things.

8. Practice quieting your mind with gardening, needlework, reading, meditation, prayer, silence, listening to music, or guided imagery daily. This will help you manage your moods better.

9. Don't believe every stupid negative thought you have. Sweep them out daily.

10. Stay open to building and developing your friendships and your love relationship to be genuine, mutually supportive and honest. Spend time with people you care about.

11. Help others. Find a way to contribute to the planet at whatever stage of life you are in. Someone needs you, and love makes us real. Find a need and fill it, whether it's in your home, your neighborhood or the larger world.

12. Heal childhood wounds and work through losses. If you are still hurting about things from childhood or an unresolved loss, find a good therapist who can help you work through your feelings
and experiences and let it go. Don't keep carrying your pain around.

Don't carry forward unhealthy lifestyle habits or mental/emotional habits to share with younger people in your family. You can break any pattern or tradition you want, from negative fear-based thinking,  emotional overeating, poor parenting, addiction issues, rigidity, unhealthy relationships or depression/anxiety. It's what you do with what you have that helps you leave a positive legacy of mental and physical health.

It's Not About The Food

Eating is such a symbolic act. For years, in working with teenaged girls in my counseling practice, I have observed what a big concern eating and body image are. Food, unlike other substances that people can avoid if they need to, has to be dealt with daily.In the Orange County Register this last month, I read a story about the skyrocketing obesity numbers for children and teens in Orange County, California, where I live and work. Clearly, there are some odd things going on with eating and food, and some of it isn't even about the food. It is about unexpressed emotion, boredom,family mealtimes becoming extinct, inactivity,exhaustion,emptiness and even spiritual needs.

Why do so many teen girls in our area overrestrict, binge,or misuse food? Why are so many adult women so at war with themselves over their weight and body image? Girls with eating disorders get skewed thinking about food, about control, and about their value. The social/media impact of a celebrity-focused culture and the picking apart of any imperfections doesn't make it any easier to grow up a girl here. How high do girls set standards for beauty and thinness when air-brushed magazine covers deliver fantasy that even those stars can't approach in person? Girls need a lot of support from parents to develop their skills, talents, and selves on other deeper levels. Most teens struggle with feeling that they have very little control. Let's help give our daughters positive ways to feel some leadership and control, rather than reducing their value to their weight.

As adults, we all have our own story with food. Many people have comfort foods.(What do you eat when you are upset?) Role-modeling healthy emotional patterns and not numbing emotional distress with eating is so important. This is one of those accountabilty areas where it really is what you do, not what you say. Teens will often tell me they are taking notice of their parents' food and exercise patterns.

As a family therapist, I am a big fan of family dinners, as often as you can. Light a candle, and have everyone share a high and low point of their day. You'll be surprised how much closer you will feel as a family. Little kids and teens, too, tell me they love this time to reconnect. I am realistic. I know it can't happen every night---not even in my family--- but do it as often as you can. Never use the dinner time to lecture, nag, grill, or berate the kids. Make it fun,light, and enjoyable, even if it's for 10-15 minutes. Try not to be the food police and monitor the amounts. As a family therapist, I am concerned about the connection between you and other family members. As children grow into teens, the connecting moments are fewer, so don't less these wonderful opportunities slip by.

I really enjoyed reading Geneen Roth's new book this week,'Women, Food, and God'. Geneen shares her own struggles with food, being overweight, losing the same pounds over and over, and coming to her own realization that it's not about the food. Facing our worst fears and dealing with what we really need emotionally and spiritually is the answer. Sometimes eating is the easiest or quickest response to a negative feeling, but it's not the best. Like most things in life, the easiest solution isn't the best one in this arena.

Weight is a complicated issue for lots of reasons. Some people lack accurate information on food choices, how to work with your metabolism, and plan meals that are convenient, fast and healthy. Some need better information on how many calories they can consume daily, how many calories they need to burn, or what a healthy weight range is for your body type. When this is the case, I often refer to my favorite dietician to work out a plan with my client.

Relationship issues also impact emotional eating. Your partner commenting on your weight or food choices makes some people mad. (Where are the brownies anyway?)
Parents and friends comments push girls to sneak eat or otherwise go underground on their use of food. Partners can sabotage healthier food or exercise patterns if they find the change threatening. Every relationship has a homeostatic set point, like the set point on your thermostat on your heating and air conditioning at home. Anything too far from the normal range gets your partner's attention.

Whether you are a permitter or restrictor with food, you want to be mindful of eating in a reverent way, with awareness and intention. Try not to work out feelings with food. Eat when you are not distracted or driving. Make food a social event when possible, remembering that the nutrition is only part of what you are needing. When grabbing for food, ask yourself if that is what you are REALLY needing. Many people eat late at night when they may need to go to sleep, or when feelings bubble up from the day.

Eating and connecting ourselves to others are potentially great rituals in our day. It's all about how you play it.And it's about so much more than food.