Friday, June 17, 2011

Takeaway Lessons From Weinergate

Rep.Anthony Weiner(D-NY) finally resigned yesterday,under fire from his congressional colleagues, Nancy Pelosi,President Obama,his constituents,and a whole lot of media attention.What a sad chapter,for Anthony Weiner and for his wife,Huma,who is expecting their first child.Is there anything we can learn from this whole mess about intimacy,honesty,and marriage? Here are a few life lessons we can sift from all the emotional rubble of hurt,embarassment,and unraveling lies.

1.Cheating is cheating.Any secret contact between you and another person that you would not want your partner to know about is unfaithful and disloyal. This includes text messages,sexting,emailing,voice messages,secret meetings,hook ups,emotional affairs and physical contact.If you have to hide a behavior,it's probably wrong. Intimacy is based on trust and transparency.

2. Your behaviors impact your partner and your children and everyone who loves you.Think about the interconnected web of lives you touch BEFORE you do something impulsive.One problem with text messages and tweets is that people feel that the impersonal,supposedly private and immediate nature of the communication emboldens people to do things that they wouldn't normally.

3.Admit it when you make a mistake. Don't blame someone else for your misjudgement. It makes it worse,and causes others to lose trust in you.Weiner might have kept his role in congress if he owned up to his missteps right away and manned up with integrity.Lying about his twitter account being hacked and defensive denials just made him look worse.

4.Beware the needy ego which requires constant feeding and stroking.Something is profoundly broken inside someone who has an insatiable need to be seen as attractive to an ever-changing line up of strangers. Like Narcissus in the Greek myth,this person is more in love with their own perception than a real,loving,and intimate relationship with another person. Can you say shallow and self-absorbed? Real self esteem gives you a sense of creating meaning and peace,not a fire that has to be constantly stoked.

Real intimacy is based in empathy for the other person,devotion,faithfulness,honesty and groundedness.It runs deep.It calls an awareness of the sacred trust between two people.It is about something bigger than self. Emotionally mature people can transcend the moment to moment desires of the self, and instead honor the meaningful relationship you have built with your beloved.Anything less than this cheapens the value of your relationship and you as a person.Perhaps politicians are vulnerable to absolute power corrupting absolutely,and losing their way in the temptation of ego fluffing.

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