Invisible Girl (Book Review)

Mariel Hemingway grew up feeling invisible, and now she's written a book with Ben Greenman to share her story with teens called Invisible Girl, (Regan Arts, 2014). She was born in 1961, a few months after the death of her famous grand father, writer Ernest Hemingway. That's just the start of her complicated family.

In Hemingway's family, she grew up dealing with her parent's alcoholism, OCD, and depression. Her mother became frail with cancer and dependent on Mariel. Her parent's marriage was full of conflict. She has memories of hearing them argue and fight intensely. She'd wake up and clean up all the broken dishes after their late night drunken tussles. Mariel was the youngest of three daughters, and both older sisters had mental illness. (Later in life, older sister Margaux, an actress, also died by an intentional drug overdose, just one day before the anniversary of her grandfather's suicide.)

The book is written like a diary in the voice of young Mariel as she observes what is going on in her family, and attempts to make sense of it. She includes "things to think about" at the end of each section for teens who may be reading it. Growing up in the small town of Ketchum, Idaho, Mariel often found solace and comfort by going outside into nature. The book has suggestions for teens on how to cope in positive ways with family problems, including talking about your experiences with someone you trust.

All the concepts in the book are put into teen-friendly terms. It's a short read of just 176 pages, with sketches and self-care tip lists in each chapter.

When children grow up with alcoholic parents, they adapt in different ways. Mariel became the "parentified" child, often cleaning up after her parent's drinking bouts and caregiving for her ill mother. The concept of growing up feeling invisible is an apt one. It's tough to grow up in a home where your development is overshadowed by parent's problems like substance abuse, a high conflict relationship or mental illness. Young people can see themselves as supporting cast to the family drama.

Learning to tell your story and have it validated by someone you trust, and to learn to do self-care are steps to becoming visible. This is a simple little book about some important subjects that don't often get talked about with teens. Hemingway's tone is kind and caring, and she carries credibility for having lived through family issues and becoming a happy, well-balanced adult who still finds her comfort in nature.Young people can feel less alone if they know that others are dealing or have dealt with similar family issues. Hopefully, Hemingway's book can reach girls and help them process difficult family dynamics and begin to consider their own needs.

Running From Crazy

Last week, one film at the Irvine International Film Festival really captured my interest. The film is "Running From Crazy," and it is about actress/author/model Mariel Hemingway. She is the granddaughter of famed American writer Ernest Hemingway. Her grandfather fought depression, chronic pain following a near-death plane crash, alcohol abuse and finally committed suicide in 1961. There are 6 other suicides in the family history, including Ernest's father, two of his brothers, and Mariel's sister Margaux. That's quite a gene pool to inherit.

This film is beautifully made by Oscar winning director Barbara Kopple. It also showed at the 2013 Sundance Film Festival. It is an honest film about inheriting genes that carry mental illness and a tendency for substance abuse, and using your own personal power to keep ahead of it through education, openness, awareness, exercise, diet, counseling, being outside in nature, and getting good medical coaching. She is concerned not only for herself, but for her two daughters.

Mariel is interviewed informally in the film, sharing her own journey. She was born the same year her grandfather killed himself, but no one in the family told her the truth about it. Growing up in Ketchum, Idaho, she had two sisters. The girls were very competitive with each other. Her mother, who she was closer to, was very ill with cancer during her childhood. Her two sisters were closer to her dad, who Mariel suspects may have molested her sisters, but not herself.

Mariel had early success as an actress, starting at age 16 with a Golden Globe nomination for Lipstick, and later starring in Woody Allen's Manhattan, as well as other films. She is involved in the fitness industry, along with her current partner.

The film explores the "Hemingway Curse" of the legacy of the Hemingway family. Despite Ernest Hemingway being one of the most respected American writers, with a larger-than-life machismo persona, he was actually a very troubled soul. He had multiple marriages, estranged relationships with his children, and deep depression that he self-medicated with alcohol. Mariel says that her grandfather's wife at the time of his death in Idaho explained the death as an accident to the family. It was not.

In the film, Mariel is shown in the activist role she plays for a large suicide prevention organization, where she gives speeches about the need for awareness of the symptoms that a friend or loved one may be considering suicide. In 2009, suicide was the 10th leading cause of death in the US. It is more common in men than in women. Other risk factors include previous attempts, family history of suicide, physical or sexual abuse, guns in the home, chronic pain, family history of substance abuse or mental illness, and family violence.

"Running From Crazy" is an excellent film that helps us consider using our own power to manage our lifestyle and minimize the stresses that might turn risk factors into risk. Whether there is a history of anxiety, depression, suicide, or alcohol/substance abuse in your family, you still have the opportunity to be aware of the history, but do everything in your power not to succumb to it. You can't choose your family or the genetic predisposition, but you absolutely reduce the risk through awareness, education, avoiding alcohol and drug use, exercise, counseling, strong relationships, and good medical advice. Running from crazy? Aren't we all?